Dragons would have to be slain first.
Last Sunday morning I briefly discussed my background as it related to my artistic bent. I came away from my family and community with much confusion about this as I was dealing with both hate and admiration for my artistic gifts from the people I was to look up to for guidance and direction in my life. This “baggage” caused the very thought of creativity an agony of the greatest proportions. For after I moved from home I of course became exposed to the very real career possibilities for an artist. For many years I had to deal with those negative inner voices battling against that very idea. During this time I would waver back and forth, for a while one side would be winning and I’d begin doing some painting and then the other side would gain influence and everything stopped. It wasn’t just dealing with economics or opportunity or giftedness, it was a dynamic mental battle raging in my brain as the years went by.
If I was ever going to “learn to fly” there were going to be a lot of mental dragons that would have to be slain first.
So there I was, crouched in the centre my “nest” watching others “fly” and simply not understanding how I could ever get there. I knew I could probably do it physically, but how do you get there with so many barriers looming in your head. Most of which I could not even understand or verbalise or even know existed as barriers for me.
Finally a break. Our daughter Odia was at the U of Manitoba studying for her fine arts degree. This itself was very fascinating to me, but my interest went through the roof when she came home with clay and began working with it. I loved what I was seeing and became hooked.
I gleaned all I could from Odia. I signed up for several sessions of introductory clay classes advertised in the Winnipeg Community Leisure Guide. I was not interested in making functional stuff like cups and saucers but in sculpting. I ended up making a series of “farm boys”, as memories of my childhood on the farm. As you can guess, after the first few classes I was doing my own thing.
One day my amazing daughter Odia took the time to evaluate my eight or so farm boys and suggested they were amazing, colourful and fun. Then she said, “Now Dad, do something about your farm life that made you, oh lets say, angry, I’m sure there must be something there for you to make, “ she exclaimed. Today I finally understand that knowing smirk I saw on her face as she walked out of the room.
Would you believe this piece, made in response to that challenge, almost never saw the light of day! It was almost immediately destroyed by well meaning protectors of my reputation! Fortunately, it survived and has since then been in two of my past showings and is on display at the Altona Gallery as we speak! It was the very first “expression of some real true emotion” as an artist! Wow.
After that I discovered “Jordan Van Sewell” a successful ceramic sculptor here in Winnipeg. I took several classes from him and has had a great influence on my art. He gave my closed, tight Mennonite mind permission experiment, to loosen up and express itself much more freely. If you Google Jordan you will see that his work is wild and crazy.
Just think, I came out of his classes with Moses coming down the mountain in a sports car, his robe flowing behind him in the air, holding up a tablet of the 10 commandments with writing on it that began at the top with a happy face! A lot of mental dragons died during those art classes right there!
Did I want to learn to fly? Yes I did! I was now on the edge of the nest, tottering. But I was not yet ready. There were still more dragons to slay. I was also still in business and did not know what to do with that. Further, I had still not learned how to express my emotions and feelings in an artistic way. I just could not take the leap of the edge of the nest. I needed a push.
Why is it that when you are about to jump, move forward, take that important last step towards your destiny, that the greatest fears come with it? Before I jumped all I saw was this huge open abyss before me. Fear gripped my soul. All I could think about was that huge splat I would make way down there on the ground. There would be no safety harness! If I was going to fly, I definitely needed a good push.
“For I am the Lord your God, who upholds your right hand, Who says to you, ‘Do not fear…’ ”
Isaiah 41:13
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