Starting Again.

I'm sure many of you have built a campfire, a fire in your backyard for an evening of conversation with friends, come in and found out your clothing smell like smoke. Not good if the next place  you are going is a restaurant, or your office etc. People will be telling you you smell like smoke and will be asking where did that come from?

Studies have shown that, "many people become introverted in their personalities as a coping mechanism resulting from the relational assaults of childhood." (T.D. Jakes pg. 7)

We are not necessarily talking about abuse, it can simply be a sensitive child picking up on the troubled emotions around them. The emotional load becomes too much for them and they go inside to secure themselves within their own thoughts, ideas and emotions. They simply cannot process the emotional load they experience around them. 

As we grow up we realize relating to others is risky business, resulting in hurt feelings, painful misunderstandings and unexpected disappointments. We become cynical, skeptical and even bitter, often without even realizing it. Slowly we back away from interacting with people. We begin sending messages with our body language, "stay away". One lady told me she talked a lot to avoid people asking her about herself, not wanting to share herself or her life with others. It was a coping method to keep people away.

So all this stuff sticks to us like a layer of smelly smoke and affects everything we say and do. We are not even aware that we are pushing people away. Relationships go astray and we have no idea why, we can't seem to perform at 100% and we get more confused and angry, often blaming everyone else!

Saul had this kind of a problem. He had picked up so much smoke that everything he said, did and touched was affected by it. He was not aware that his smell was self destructive! Because be was so conditioned to deal with things as he'd done as a child he could not change. So he got frustrated with his failures and lack of success, growing in anger, bitterness, and envy. He was actually killing himself, as a person, a leader and as a man.  

Frankly, he just could not let things go. He could not wipe off the smoke, the smell and the clutter and start with a clean slate. He could not go back, become "like a little child", go back to his roots and make a fresh start. 

Now, I must say, that to start again like that is not easy. We have collected bad habits and ways of doing things which must be overcome and changed. We have to be intentional about it. Determined, even desperate to change.  

But, it can be done and it is worth it. I have a friend who was known not so long ago, as "The Ice-man". He decided to go for it, go back to his roots, clear the slate and start again. He grabbed onto his healing journey like a bulldog, never letting go and today he is a very different person. He went back and broke the chains of bondage that un-forgiveness brought into his life. He "let go" and  forgave, clearing out many years worth of the clutter, smoke and smell.

To bad Saul never took up that challenge.

Today, the former "Ice-Man" is a mentor to me and I am proud to say, he is one of my very best friends.

"I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you."      John 15:15