Saturday, 30 March 2013

The Question is WHY, WHY, WHY?

Throne of Swords
The back is done!
I'm back! As you can see, the project I most love to dislike is progressing and I've finally finished the back of the throne. Now, only the two side-edges of the chair are left to complete!
I have a question. This has begun to niggle at me and it is so weird. Why do I so dislike this chair? Why is it that, of all the art projects I've ever done, do I feel the need to do this one, despite the fact that it has become such an albatross around my neck? Why have I not quit? If I dislike it so much I should, you would think, have stopped doing it a long time ago. I have no-one telling me what to make and what not to make, right? (Well, sometimes my spouse gets her opinions in there about that!) But I digress. So, why have I held on, why have I not abandoned it? Why have I dragged myself back to the studio again and again to numbingly continue rolling out sword after sword and applying it to the frame of this never-ending project of a chair?
The answer to this question I'm realizing is not simple. Not that I'm that complicated I'm sure. (As many of you already know!) But I cannot just say for example, "I grew up with the idea that once you begin something you have to complete it!" That, of course is true, and every time I even thought of quitting, my guilt kicks in and all the inside voices begin blaring things like, "How would you explain that?" or "What would everyone think?" etc. But that would be, in this case only, I think, a contributing answer, certainly not the whole answer.
When I look into my heart, I think, at least today, that a whole lot larger part of the answer is exactly in the discomfort I have about the piece. I don't like it just because I'm sick and tired of making another sword. No, I really don't like it because I hate the idea of what the piece means.
My best lesson I've learned in my life is the fact that "un-forgiveness" is death to me and to anyone who lives that lifestyle. The person who has a throne of swords and knives as the centre of their life, figuratively speaking, is an un-forgiving, bitter person. Getting even, revenge, tit-for-tat, an eye for an eye, is their rule of life. Usually they are not even aware of it. Wishing angrily that the guy who just cut them off with his big 4X4 truck will hit a tree in the next 5 seconds, is that kind of a person.
Ouch, that's way to convicting...let's move on.
Bottom line, I am persuaded in my heart, that as uncomfortable as this is for me, I need to make this point. Despite the injustice I've experienced, I have made a conscious choice "to live", and forgiveness is that most amazing gift that gives me that life and of course, to anyone else who embraces it. 
By the way, is that not what Easter is all about? The gift of forgiveness (life) made available for all who wish it?
Happy Easter everyone.
"But indeed, O man, who are you to reply against God? Will the thing formed say to him who formed [it], "Why have you made me like this?"
Romans 9:20